The vitally crucial talks on plastic in Busan South Korea failed ignominiously and entirely predictably, and if you’re going “Wait, wasn’t it Baku Azerbaijan?” no those were the vitally crucial climate talks that failed predictably, as vast pompous global environmental gatherings increasingly tend to do. But not before raising the perennial question, what’s the carbon footprint of 175 delegations flying into South Korea, half of them possibly direct from Azerbaijan, to save the climate yet again? Oh look. More than 4,000 people. Better try again next year with twice that many.

Could it have been worse? Oh yes. And it was. The Inuit Circumpolar Council erupted that:

“The Busan negotiations were at crawling speed and riddled with difficulties, such as observers, including Indigenous Peoples, not having access to rooms and with no possibility of intervening and long delays caused by some countries who prolonged negotiation discussions with procedural issues. Several negotiation sessions completely excluded observers without explanations, leaving the impression of an untransparent and inefficient process.”

It isn’t easy being woke. And it can’t have helped that “Canada is determined to finalize first-ever global agreement on plastic pollution at INC-5” given the track record of the Canadian government on global climate agreements or indeed its own domestic climate policies or pretty much anything else where whatever it touches turns to lead that costs more than gold.

Still, when you have an interdepartmental committee you must be making progress, or at least flights and coffee. And yes, for outsiders puzzled by acronyms with numbers, that press release explains that:

“The Fifth Intergovernmental Negotiating Committee (INC-5) is part of a series of crucial international gatherings this fall focused on addressing the interconnected crises of pollution, climate change (COP29), and biodiversity loss (COP16).”

Crucial, no less. Which may be a problem since it’s all process, all the time, with nary a result to show:

“Canada has implemented numerous initiatives to tackle this pressing global challenge, including the launch of the Ocean Plastics Charter during its 2018 G7 Presidency, and will continue to look at ways for taking action on this as part of Canada’s G7 Presidency in 2025.”

Speaking of flights:

“Last April, Canada successfully hosted the fourth session of the Intergovernmental Negotiating Committee (INC-4), welcoming more than 3,000 participants from over 170 countries to Ottawa to focus on progress toward reaching the global agreement. Canada has also hosted or co-hosted four large Ministerial gatherings in 2024, including on the margins of the sixth session of the United Nations Environment Assembly (UNEA-6), the Fourth Intergovernmental Negotiating Committee (INC-4), the 79th session of the United Nations General Assembly (UNGA 79), and the 16th United Nations Biodiversity Conference (COP 16) to discuss potential areas of convergence on technical topics and bridge the gap on positions.”

Blah blah blah yap yap yap screech screech screech. Two harrowing days after its blithe halcyon Monday bulletin, Climate Home News on Wednesday November 27 sighed that:

“As talks on a new global treaty to end plastic pollution approach the halfway mark, countries clashed in a heated plenary session over the lack of progress on the core elements of a pact, including potential curbs on plastic production, Matteo Civillini reports from Busan, South Korea.”

It is extraordinary that these massive, continuous, supposedly vital negotiations going on around the clock around the world seem to be run by people one doubts could organize a brawl in a saloon. But Reuters “Sustainable Switch”, which still can’t organize a newsletter that gets posted online, conceded that “the plastics talks staggered towards a close without a deal on a new global treaty in sight on Friday”. (And as we’ve said elsewhere, going to a high-profile international gathering without having a deal essentially already done is amateurish and self-defeating.) But if there was no deal, it wasn’t for lack of screeching. See, CHN added:

“Juan Carlos Monterrey Gomez, Panama’s special representative for climate change, received loud applause in Wednesday’s plenary after accusing negotiators of ‘tiptoeing around the truth and sidestepping ambition’. ‘We are signing a pact of destruction for our planet and our people’ if the treaty isn’t strong, added the fiery orator who wears a traditional hat.”

And if the traditional hat doesn’t get it done, perhaps they can get António Guterres to open the rhetorical gates of hell or something. Anything. Including another conference.

Of course like all the others this one is crucial until it fails. See:

“Carbon Brief analysis shows that without any agreement to cut plastic production, emissions from plastics could consume half of the remaining carbon budget for limiting warming to 1.5C above pre-industrial levels.”

We didn’t even know there was one. We thought we were already over it, or nearly so, and locked into tipping point tippery or something.

According to the WWF, “INC-5: The people have spoken, and they want a strong global plastic pollution treaty now”. The people have spoken, and only activists can hear.

As for wanting things, we want to be taller, fitter and younger. NOW NOW NOW. Pity we can’t think of a way. As they can’t.

Thus by Friday Climate Home News was reporting, as if shouting demands were some brilliant new negotiating tactic never before considered that once tried was irresistibly destined to carry the day:

“As the plastics talks inched towards a close without a deal on a new global treaty in sight on Friday, Juan Carlos Monterrey Gómez had a straightforward request for the petrostates seen as blocking progress: ‘Get out of the way’ if you’re not ready to compromise. The stern message from Panama’s special representative marked a ramp up in political rhetoric from a large coalition of around 100 countries across the developing and developed world that are pushing for production cuts in a UN pact designed to end plastic pollution.”

As if they were in the way by mistake and all it took was a guy with a fancy hat to wake them up and make them sign anything put in front of them. And, of course, send cash:

“Florian Titze, senior policy advisor for international biodiversity policy at WWF, told Climate Home the current text is ‘a starting point that gives us a chance’. But he added ‘it needs to give assurances that the financial flows will be reliable and predictable if [developing countries] are asked to take stringent measures on production and waste management’.”

Busan, Baku, boohoo.