This just in: warmth and CO2 kill plants. No, wait. Not just in. Repeated constantly despite being foolish, along with polar bear extinction, vanishing tropical islands and so forth, with that tiresome veneer of “Scientists say”. And here it comes again. MSN bellows “Climate change poses significant threat to global plant species, study reveals”, based on an AP story that had all the usual suspects hypnotically clicking including the Canadian Press news agency with its “Scientists say don’t forget about plants. Climate change is endangering tens of thousands of species”. And while we hate to spoil the dreary misery with a floral bouquet, we would like to ask this historically-minded question: at what previous point in Earth’s history did a gentle increase in temperature and atmospheric CO2 convert lush valleys into deserts? Because if you can’t name one, you’re making it up.
The MSN piece continues apocalyptically:
“Scientists warn that climate change is set to threaten tens of thousands of plant species worldwide, with predictions indicating that by the end of the century, many could face extinction. The study, published in the journal Science, estimates that between 7% and 16% of global plant species may lose 90% of their habitat within the next 55 to 75 years.”
Unless they don’t. And why, pray tell, would between 7 and 16%, a remarkably imprecise estimate, lose 90 percent of their habitat in the next 55 to 75 years? Well, see, “The effects of climate change are expected to render traditional plant habitats uninhabitable.”
We grow tired of observing that climate change, being a statistical description of changes in weather, is itself an effect not a causal force. So instead we’ll ask when’s the last time it happened?
Ah, but things have changed:
“Researchers project that this could result in the disappearance of approximately 35,000 to 50,000 plant species under moderate carbon pollution scenarios.”
Which admittedly makes the IPCC giving up its extreme scenarios less useful since clearly the moderate ones are extreme too. But calling carbon dioxide “pollution” doesn’t make plants choke on it.
Nor does calling all change bad make all change bad. The piece cites “Xiaoli Dong, a co-author and ecologist at the University of California, Davis” thusly:
“Dong noted that factors such as rising temperatures and altered precipitation patterns are contributing to this trend. For instance, the tulip, which thrives under specific conditions, faces challenges as these conditions shift due to climate change.”
The Canadian Press story swallows it whole too:
“Consider the tulip, Dong said: It prefers a certain soil, temperature and rain level. Climate change has disrupted this combination: The right temperature pushed north, the proper rain pattern moved east and the perfect soil stayed put. ‘The perfect condition required by this tulip has become like really small,’ Dong said.”
Like no it hasn’t.
As we write these words, feral tulips are springing up on our Ottawa lawn despite the global-heating-breakdown-thingy-induced May frost warning. Our lawn is not some carefully tended Edenic oasis free of the dreaded carbon pollution. It’s a holistic experiment in working with nature not against it. And tulips are flourishing there. Calling them endangered is insolent.
If only they had Google on their computers. They’d find, from that esoteric and arcane source Wikipedia, that:
“Tulips were originally found in a band stretching from Southern Europe to Central Asia, but since the seventeenth century have become widely naturalised and cultivated (see map).”
Mind you their map only shows Europe and Asia; as noted they are also extremely widespread in North America. Including because squirrels mysteriously bury their bulbs in odd places where they then flourish.
Oh, and speaking of taking a full eight seconds or so to do research, we find from “Visit Argentina” that:
“Each October, the town of Trevelin, in the Patagonian province of Chubut, unfolds before travelers a sea of colors with its tulip fields in full bloom. Nestled among mountains, valleys, and crystal-clear rivers, Trevelin combines nature, photography, and a strong Welsh cultural imprint. It’s ideal for those seeking a peaceful, visually stunning, and culturally unique getaway.”
Just don’t breathe the air. It has minute traces of CO2. Parts per million. And if it can kill flowers, just imagine what it might do to you.
Oh, right. Nothing. Tulips will be around long after we’re gone.
Rather than doing some basic research, including into plant biology, CP revisits past glories of pseudo-extinction driven by climate nonsense:
“Global warming extinctions usually have people picturing the last polar bears or other furry critters disappearing, but the crucial and oft-overlooked world of plants is going to be decimated by climate change. Scientists predict tens of thousands of plant species will disappear by the end of the century. Between warmer temperatures and shifts in rain and snow patterns, between 7% and 16% of the world’s plant species are likely to lose at least 90% of their habitat and go essentially extinct in about 55 to 75 years, according to a study in Thursday’s journal Science. That equates to roughly 35,000 to 50,000 plant species based on moderate carbon pollution scenarios, and much more if the world’s pollution soars, said study co-author Xiaoli Dong, a University of California Davis ecologist.”
What? We thought they’d at least given up on the polar bears shuffling off this mortal coil with gaunt frames and haunting eyes.
Like Vanuatu vanishing, and The Economist just hurled it into the briny deep yet again:
“The people of Nguna feel the world has ignored them. In the village of Unakap, children walk along a shoreline path linking their school and the Nakamal, or traditional meeting house. The path is being washed away. After every storm a little more is gone; and repeated attempts to hold back the Pacific Ocean with tidal barriers have failed. The shoreline has come in about 20 metres in as many years. The school’s old football field is under water. The Nakamal itself is now under threat. Nguna is just one of the 83 islands in the Pacific archipelago of Vanuatu, where rising seas are rapidly eating away at the land.”
Whereas “Answer the call of Vanuatu” asks us “What are you waiting for? Your adventure of a life-time is closer than you think!” Although we note that one problem in Vanuatu is not sharks or jellyfish but the “African tulip tree”, an invasive if attractive pest that didn’t get the memo.
