A Guardian piece tells us “the latest research suggests that the climate crisis is going to make the hay fever season a whole lot longer and more intense, with up to three times as much pollen wafting around by the end of the century.” It turns out to be the fault of all those wretched trees we thought were so beautiful and would save us from climate breakdown: “Birch, alder and oak trees are usually first to bloom, spraying their pollen – the dust-like grains that hay fever sufferers are allergic to – as early as February” though grass then takes up the challenge followed by “weed pollen (such as ragweed and dock)… in later summer and early autumn.” And of course “our changing climate is altering the distribution of allergenic plants, with some particularly potent species invading new areas.” At least they are admitting carbon dioxide is driving all the new plant growth: “the main driver of growing pollen is increasing levels of carbon dioxide. While higher temperatures extend the growing season, carbon dioxide fuels photosynthesis, enabling plants to grow larger and produce more pollen.” Terrible.

Also from the department of no fun, Guardian branch, “‘Fun in the sun’ photos are a dangerous distraction from the reality of climate breakdown”. Because they make it seem as though people like warm weather, the fools. Someone really needs to indoctrinate them better and in this piece professor Saffron O’Neill volunteers. “Think about the image of the man blocking a line of tanks in Beijing’s Tiananmen Square, a young girl fleeing her village after being burned by napalm in the Vietnam war, smoke billowing from the twin towers. These images become part of our collective psyche – through them we remember the power of protest, the horror of war, and the moments everything changed. Images of the climate crisis can hold the same power, something the Guardian recognised in its sector-leading 2019 editorial decision to rethink the images accompanying climate stories.” Ironically, the accompanying art is of “Sunbathers in Margate, Kent” and indeed nothing says sunny getaway like the eastern part of England (16°C at time of writing) although the Guardian helpfully tinted the picture alarmist red in pursuit of truthiness.

Some news outlets are even linking monkey pox to climate change. But then they would, wouldn’t they? As we noted last week, there’s nothing alarmists won’t blame on climate, whether or not it happened, including plagues of locusts. And no rhetorical excess they won’t indulge in. For instance the Guardian (yes, again) roars in with “Revealed: the ‘carbon bombs’ set to trigger catastrophic climate breakdown”. Luckily they’re there to tell you oil and gas companies are (gasp! thud!) planning to produce oil and gas: ‘Exclusive: Oil and gas majors are planning scores of vast projects that threaten to shatter the 1.5C climate goal. If governments do not act, these firms will continue to cash in as the world burns”. Shatter. Burns. We are all going to die… laughing.

And when we do NBC will know where to find us: “Where are the bodies buried? Climate change is showing us”. Forget locusts. “The discoveries of two sets of human remains in Nevada’s Lake Mead are just the latest instances of climate change’s impact as the bodies were exposed amid low water levels”. And The New Republic adds to the pile of smouldering corpses with “We Need to Talk About Climate Change and Suicide/ The data we have suggests a connection – and the problem may be growing.” It does seem to be. The carcass of media credibility is being exposed by the rising tide of climate absurdity. And the coroner suspects suicide.